Banana Surprise!

I have come to realize that the “ordinary” “silly” mistakes we make in life are the nuggets from which we build a monument of wisdom, a reference point and a lesson archive… Mistakes are the ALERT message to some of life’s biggest traps. So when you learn from them, you can avoid the great FALL! For instance, have you ever ignored the rumbling thunder outside only to stroll out smiling and run back panting and soaked? Have you ever spilled over some coffee only to realize that you should have been paying more attention to your WHITE SKIRT and not to the TIME LEFT! What lessons do we learn from these everyday “silly mistakes”?: The consequences of not PAYING ATTENTION to what is most essential! And in most cases, it’s a huge cost!

Imagine then, the case of one of my most adorable cousins, (let me call her Emma for privacy sake), who had a very important practical exam in Food and nutrition. I mean one of those crucial exams that can sort of determine your fate for the next step! And after many prayers and encouragement and Best wishes, we kept our fingers crossed for her return in the evening. In fact, I had no doubt that she was going to make it. She had pampered us with some very sumptuous recipes that got all of us giving her business plans and ideas all year through. I mean she just had it! She could stir at a leftover bowl of boiled potatoes in the kitchen and the next minute, she comes treating us all to a VOILA! Meal of “Swiss Potato pie” or “sautéed potato delight”… names she proudly announced before tasting began.

So, on the day of her practical exam at twelve noon, when I heard mum unlocking the front door, I knew that we were in for a bubbly unending expression of “Catering success!”.

“How..? What happened” I heard mum ask, and then I heard a grumble in reply. Then mum giggled abruptly, the kind of giggle that says you are too shocked to say anything. “With all the practice and experience, how can this little thing slip your mind? How?”

 My brother and I reechoed in unison “Why? What happened”. By then, we were both towering over the couch in anxiety. And before I could sit, mum hit me with the headlines: She deviated!

Then, we yelled again, “how?”.

It was simple. Emma had felt prepared and had entered the exam hall confident of her victory. She had done everything right: Apron, Utensils, Table setting and all. And when it came to the ballot, she had picked “Banana Cake”.  She prepared her ingredients and weighed the amount of each one very carefully: egg, butter, flour…everything! And she got the process right. Thirty minutes in the oven! And the girl on her left signaled her, pointing on the right side; She was pointing to the clock, most definitely, because they all knew by instinct that the time was drawing close. Emma grinned confidently as she tidied up, arranging all utensils in their rightful place. TIME UP! Each candidate pulled out her ready baked cupcake, apple pie or whatever she had been asked to bake. Emma pulled hers out too. It smelled great, and it all looked perfect until she heard the Inspector query “Whose Banana pudding is this?” 

Unbelievable!. She had been deceived by the smell of the cake and her confidence in her skill. The “Essence” had tricked her into thinking that she had all her ingredients in, only to realize that she had baked “Banana Pie” without putting in the Banana!!!

Dear friends, what gives “Banana Pie” its name, and its attribute is simply the Banana in the Pie! Its not the smell, neither is it the size! You may be aiming for a life of success, but you may not be putting in the ingredients of success! It may be that you are dressing like “success”, “smelling like success” and acting like “success”, but you may not be sowing ANY SEEDS that will bear the fruits of success. What do you spend most of your time doing, watching, listening to? What has taken the biggest space in your life recently? It is really subtle, the ways we are lured to focus on EVERYTHING ELSE but what matters most! If we would consciously review what we focus on daily, and the habits we nurture, we may begin to realize in what ways we are aiming at and desiring to bake BANANA CAKES ( good lives, good careers, successful relationships, and prosperity), without BANANAS ( the core ingredients) - the character needed, the right state of mind, the humility and patience required to make THINGS WORK right!

Let’s take a pause from blowing kisses at ourselves in the mirror and getting overconfident with our education and money and fame and ask “Am I being transformed by any of this?”, “Am i any better than I was before? and most importantly: am I focusing on the core substances required to make me succeed? Some breakthroughs may come your way and everybody may be saying “you are blessed” but are you really building on a solid foundation: of love, of the fear of God, of humility and hard work etc Or are you just pursuing a semblance of success, just busy looking like you got it ALL RIGHT. Because soon, life’s examination will take place and many may fail woefully just by baking a nice pan of “Bananaless” Banana cakes! 

And Ladies! Consulting online beauty tips and designs can be helpful, finding the right clothes for our body shape is rewarding; there is nothing wrong with BEAUTY, there is just everything missing when it doesn’t come with character!   What matters most is the core!   

So,

Let’s get in THE INGREDIENTS!

Written By:  Alice Blighton.

Listen to my skin: (Bleaching and The African woman’s self-worth )

I remember some years back, sitting in a dim lit office of an officer in charge of some aspect of government registration procedure I wanted to embark on, I glanced at my watch in the hope that my issues will be sorted out before the ALMIGHTY lunch break. After a flimsy “fill in the forms, I’ll be back”, the Officer just rushed out to engage in more pertinent talks with a colleague outside. I could hear their hushed, emphatic tones in the course of their discussion and I just hoped that the secretary would do me the favor of signaling “the boss” that I was done. But we all know the refrain “just wait a while, he’ll be with you”.

When I finally heard the sound of footsteps, it was that of a young, average height, light skinned lady in a tailored-to-fit, above-the-knee purple pencil skirt and a white polka dot blouse with a thin silver waist belt. The tip of her perm-cut was tainted brown and her lips were a flattering crimson red. She was the magic that saved the day, the genie that brought all the answers and opened all the doors, and I think she knew it. If her half-British accent did not get her the attention, her nails would do the talking, if her nails missed a point, her skin and the luster of her complexion would make it up and hopefully you didn’t miss the sight of the car keys she tossed between her fingers,  because that also confirms a lot.

So the Secretary, who had obviously picked up all the necessary signals went “Madam, please have a seat, I’ll call him for you” and she actually did. In less than ten minutes the officer was back. And when he came, he grinned and winced with refreshing excitement, “Yes Lady, what can I do for you?”

Obviously, when a hybrid accent expresses the need of a light skinned beauty, the outright answer is “no problem”. The officer simply added “if you have the form, then let’s go to my office and get it done quickly”. That was it, she was through and I was still sitting at the desk fanning myself in utter frustration. “Young lady, come back next week. We are on break now, so just leave your forms behind and come back later”.He told me.

 I probably hadn’t figured out the trend: Which man has time these days for a woman who leaves her skin as black as the sun allows it to be? The anthem is “Go lighten up!”

 So, though Nobody says it openly, deep down hidden in the confines of their unspoken fears and rejected hopes, many women silently admit that each day they exist, they have to intentionally create the magic potion in the pigment of their skin and work out their revenge strategy through their outer looks as a safeguard and an answer to the fear of rejection and discrimination they see ahead. Some also just can’t have enough of the sweet attention that a toned skin brings. So, if you asked a lady “what are you bleaching for?”, there obviously would be a dozen answers for you: it is to secure her future, to get the answers and of course to feel good, wanted, accepted, admired…It’s a matter of going light to feel right.

It’s a subtle revenge

In a continent where hierarchy is everything, where a mere “Yes Sir, Yes Madam” at the gate and in the office is somebody’s daily source of ego and real taste of success, image in this continent becomes the currency of SUCCESS, and where one is placed in the hierarchy of acceptance matters to many. This notion of image is per the psycho-social perspective of the people; “Respect” that comes with the wheels one rides on, the number of times he has been to the U.S and back and how “international” the fellow looks. Don’t get it wrong, many have tried to stick to their afro-centric looks and found themselves rejected from certain professions, marginalized in some contests or dropped for the lighter one, when it came to such industries as publicity, advertisement, acting…etc. Which ever way, some women especially give up on self-acceptance, because they feel a certain exasperation, as if they were going against tides that were too strong for them. And when this becomes an on-going repeated sign, there is a personal revenge strategy. Silent but deadly, subtle but steady and indeed, long term.

With a twist of deception

So a young university graduate, an upcoming singer or actress and a middle aged worker are all on the run for the best Hi tech method to scrape off the blackness and get on some whiteness. That is what actually accounts for the influx of products that help to alter a woman’s African look from head to toe. Because as one lady admitted in an interview “we don’t like black, it’s associated with backwardness, lack of enlightenment and lack of style”. Now, that is a twist of deception, a kind of distorted thinking that rather needs a bleach of truth. Black is not awkward it is our mindset that Is, black is not backward it is our perspective that is.” We are still tied to the notion that everything foreign and white is better and more exotic. And who defines exotic? Magazine covers of foreign models who wear wigs, lashes and fancy clothes they are paid to wear and whose photos are taken through the deceptive clicks and turns of Photoshop.In the end we feel enticed to smear on the “priceless” potion that rids us of the very protective pigment of our heritage. It may look classy, it may feel good, but in the long run, this feeling of inadequacy becomes a deformity, one that we will always try to hide and dissimulate in order to keep feeling worthy.

Give BLACK the right worth

This is obviously what the Ivorian government is trying to do through the recent ban on the importation of bleaching products. But is there any better shade in the midst of all these storms of media pressure and Western standards? Yes. It’s the shade of self-worth. When a woman discovers her self-worth, no amount of pressure can break her resolve to love the way she is. And if she does, it is needless to say that she would be treated with the respect she deserves. Indeed if a black woman thinks white is more beautiful, it’s because she has not made her blackness attractive enough in her own eyes. With a little bit of reflection and introspection we can shed off the erroneous ideas about BLACKNESS and counter it with more positive truths about who we actually are. Black women are beautiful, intelligent,and inspiring women who are confident and assertive and know their self worth! 

 
If you saw this written on a banner, would you believe it to be TRUE or would it sound like a fancy slogan? And if your picture were placed beside it, would it match the statement or would it seem out of place. The truth is, we are what we repeatedly do, or think, or portray. Black beauty is therefore not a statement; it’s an act, and an everyday reality.  Let’s not fuss about lighter skins whilst being an epitome of darker minds. Let “black” minds learn, create, work, think, solve and initiate, and not merely seek self worth from lightening creams. That will leave us at the mercy of more discrimination and disrespect, because we will look neither like ourselves nor like our coveted selves. We will miss our way and the power of our impact. If we keep following the misleading sign posts to self worth, we will never get “there”.

There’s no better shade

In my reading on the psychology of colors, I found out what the color gray stood for. The color that most blacks who bleach can at best get to is a color that is neither naturally black nor naturally white, it is thus probably gray! It says that the color gray is an unemotional color. It is detached, neutral, impartial and indecisive - the fence-sitter.

Gray is also the color of compromise - being neither black nor white; it is the transition between two non-colors. The closer gray gets to black, the more dramatic and mysterious it becomes. The closer it gets to silver or white, the more illuminating and lively it becomes. But when it remains in the middle, it’s both motionless and emotionless, a color that is subdued, quiet and reserved. It does not stimulate, energize, rejuvenate or excite.

In the meaning of colors, gray is conservative, boring, drab and depressing on the one hand and elegant and formal on the other, yet never glamorous. So, even though not in its literal meaning that those who bleach turn gray, the notion of gray here is a mixture of two originals that ends up almost as an inexistent version of both.  It loses the force that both original versions carry. That probably is the reason why the skin reacts in an awful way to bleaching creams over a period of time. 

So, even from a color psychology perspective, you might as well make a bold statement by staying naturally black if you are black or naturally white if you are white, rather than getting lost in the middle of a futile search. There is nothing wrong in admiring the other or celebrating another but do not take it to unimaginable heights by underestimating your own true origin and rejecting your own uniqueness just to be a photocopy of a great original. Make YOU look beautiful, because, there is no better “shade” than what you were created in!

Ladies, STAY BLACK, STAY YOU and STAY IN LOVE WITH YOUR ROOTS§

Love your hair, love your skin, love your shape, love YOURSELF!

 After all, YOU HAVE AWESOME BEAUTY WITHIN YOU 

So, what at all will you be bleaching for?

Written by: Alice Blighton

The Psychology Of Shoes And Pain

When I was little, I loved new stuff. Not just brand new stuff but anything that would add some newness and spice to my sweet young life: a new note book, new bag, or new hair band was enough to get me feeling great and positive. One particular feeling I loved was the fresh feel of having a new pair of shoes and my mum told me that ever since I was 3 I always slept in new pair of shoes for the night and woe unto anyone who tried to take them off! That for the most part still makes me laugh. But at about  15 years, I rarely could ignore the temptation of slipping my feet in my mum’s shoes, and I don’t know why I naively tried on my coveted ones almost every morning, kind of hoping that the extra wobbly feel will shrink up soon and fit well so I could ROCK them! But my mum loved her Wedges and whenever I tried them on I thought “when and how will I ever get these from her, she will never give them to me even if they fit!” And with that I would slip back into my flip flops and whirl off to find something new to do.

Then on one blessed day, in the midst of a rather beautiful and bountiful peak of morning sun, soft music and the sweet smell of pancakes, I handed my mum one long list of “wanted stuff” including my own pair of Wedges. She was travelling, and that was my only chance to get some things crossed off my wish list, so with a sparkling smile of expectation, I whispered one last time:“don’t forget my Wedges” before her taxi sped off. The day went particularly well, with a rather warm sweet feeling of abundance and beauty that turned a simple lunch into a bite of heaven, but before supper was served that taste had turned to bile.

“I had an accident’, Mum mumbled on the phone, and the sight of her limping shadow in the flickering moonlight as she returned home was a sudden dart of pain in my bubbly heart .She threw her blood stained wedges on the floor: an evidence of her ordeal and the rest of the weekend was followed by a gloomy wave of endless silence. End results: a long stiff stitch on her legs that spoke volumes of pain and a strict warning from the doctors: no wedges ever again!

After the final verdict sunk in, mum took a final peep at her dressing room one morning and called me from my bedroom to “come for the wedges”. That was probably something I never thought I would hear her say. But did hearing it finally bring me that awaited joy? No. I loved those wedges, I had dreamt of wearing them for nights unending but now, now  I had those desires overtaken by a stronger wish to see mum get better, recover completely and probably wear her Wedges again! Because out of this incident, I had learnt that:

1.     You Can’t Just “Go For The Wedges”:

Though in life, it probably sounds so easy to “Go for the Wedges“; That is, go for the life of glamour and grandeur, probably just get to that position in a leap, or try to sound or look like other people you admire etc. the truth is that you really are just trying to “Go for their Wedges” without knowing or even considering the pain, loss, challenges and disappointments they had to go through  before and after their present destination.  You cannot look like anybody and neither can you have real self discovery if you keep walking in “inherited shoes”. Every shoe (life’s calling or path) has its unique story, and pain is part of that story! The pain and discomfort is only known to the original wearer. It may look good on you, but you do yourself the disservice of acting like you “own the Wedges” when you have not gone through the growth process of maturing enough to fit in them and wear them right, with the right lessons involved.

2.     Scars mean more than “pain”:

With time, mum’s wounds have healed but the scar still says a lot. It says a lot about a permanent transition from “Wedges” to “flat shoes and loafers”. When she looks at her scars, there is probably some form of a reminder of that change from a natural perfect state to a distorted discomforting place of hurt. Such is the state of anyone who goes through a loss of any kind, or a change in original condition ( wealth, health, birth etc). But do the scars of life take away life’s beauty or add to it? Do scars represent pain alone or victory over pain? Whether emotional, physical or psychological, scars in themselves are not our doom, it is the way we handle and see them that matters most. The scars of life are a symbol of survival. Many people have transformed their scars into great books, movies and Associations that generations have benefitted from. So the question is "what are you doing with your scars? "And "how do you even see your scars" in the first place? Do you see them as those despicable, unforgettable mishaps that will forever be your loss or do you see them as the jewels of change and strength that can help you see better, live life more wisely, choose  better and appreciate better. Indeed scars mean more than pain and do carry their purification and beautification agents. If you look carefully, you will see that indeed, a  life well lived is a life that knows the beauty of its scars.

 

3.     Pain teaches what luxury ignores:

Could it possibly be that pain reminds us of the blessing of being without pain? Could it be that that reminder channels our focus on the things that matter most and incline us to want less “stuff” and more of what our soul needs?  The daunting truth about life is that the one who loses his shoes is finally grateful he did not lose his feet, and the one who unfortunately loses his feet is finally thankful for his life. But in the absence of pain, we tend to take for granted the great gifts of “good feet” and “walking legs”. Or in simple terms, pain teaches what luxury ignores. Though pain is no body’s wish, not even the Creator’s desire,  is it not also a matter of fact, that in luxurious moments of our lives we are less on our guard ? Do some people not remove the boundaries of inhibition, and go overboard when prosperity comes their way?  Others also live by self induced philosophies of life and of pleasure and they feel in control of life and destiny by virtue of their wealth. Well, let’s not forget that there is enough pain around us to teach us daily secrets of wisdom that luxury may ignore . So, if we could only learn from the pains of the past/present, and of the pains of others, we could learn a more modest approach to life which will keep our soul in harmony and our body in check. !!!

 

Written By: Alice Blighton